Its been forever since I have put down a few words. But everytime I start jotting down my thoughts on this I face a blank wall in my head. I have been reading through lots of blogs and I kept thinking, wow! how is it that they can just reveal all? even if they do give out their addresses to a select few of their friends. How can they reveal whats on their minds and feel free? its unthinkable to me. This blog represents to me a chance to practice my writing and thats all. I cant imagine it to be my journal no matter how much I may wish it to be. I envy these blogger people and their courage. But it occurs to me that it might not really be courage that helps them bare it all but the simple need to express their opinion, voice their thoughts and just be heard... to know that someone, somewhere in this world thinks the same. Thats gotto to be reassuring. I envy them still.

I make sure I work myself to the bone, and load my plate with everything imaginable so as to make to sure I am left with no time to think, to ponder, to reflect. Cause if I were to give myself the chance I wouldnt be able to handle it. Right now I feel like I am an emotional bubble of twisted nerves ready to burst. On a humorous note; like a giant, smelly fart that ready to go 'POP!' I am glad my little blog thing is still my secret. Glad that even the love of my life cannot see the little I reveal of my tumulous thoughts.

I want eveyrthing to be a secret, its been like this forever. Everytime I get a card or a present, I try to hide it. Everytime, I have something thats totally mine and none of my 4 siblings can make any claim to it I hide it. I go as far as to lock everything in my cupboard andthen hide the cupboard keys. I hide my feelings if I am hurt but I hide my happiness more so that no one jinx it. Weird.