Today Sweets was annoyed about me not telling him things I do. Making him feel left out. I wanted to make him understand that it makes no sense to me to tell him about my plans when he isnt going to be around anyway. How do I explain to him that whether he wants to believe it or not I consider him to be a very important part of my Universe, basically there is only the two of us. And I am happy when I am with him, happier than I'll ever be alone or with my friends (who also happen to be his friends) because I enjoy his company over theirs.

It may have seemed a bit weird to you, i.e. having me talk to you everyday (considering I couldnt find time to meet with you) but truth is, when I feel Sweets getting distracted over work and travel plans and stuff - things that have nothing to do with me, I turn to blogging, (earlier it used to be scribbling furiously in my red book-with blogging atleast I can tell someone about stuff).

I realise I am worst than a kid when it comes to having attention (you are always telling me anyway) so its understandable that I spend my new found (uninvited) spare time catching up with things I had previously ignored. Things that arent up his alley. Earlier I used to try and get him to do these with me but he showed no interest, simply put, he would say something to the effect of, 'why dont i meet you after and you tell me how it was?'

Bottom line is he is never around for too long. And me doing other things when he isnt around is just my way of filling my time. I cant even remember what I used to do before I was with him. and I dont even mind it. Becuase I know he is having his time, creating his own bunch of memories and I am just a visitor who takes for a tour and having his experiences. So this is my way of doing the same and not being left out. Although more often than not I feel that i'll never come close to matching his experiences, its really not even about that. Atleast I have with me stuff to keep me occupied and call my own. Still be my own person even if by default I am doing it just cos he is not around. Hopefully in time I wouldn't feel as empty as I sometimes feel now. With exams looming ever so closer I know I'll have enough to occupy my thoughts but it'll never be enough as long as he isnt around. There is always an empty slot. Always extra time to think, to miss. I learnt that when I took on Pyramus and Thisby. Then I had had two plays plus a press con on my plate and it wasnt enough. The time he is around I give to him solely. I wouldnt want it any other way. and I dont see why I ought to get him upset about stuff he is going to miss out on when there is nothing he can do about it anyway. Besides which he has never shown any interest.

But its nice to know that he really wants to know whats happening with my life. This has got to be one of the most boyfriend like question he has ever asked. I am thrilled. selfish, greedy child that I am, I feel more loved now, lol...