Missing my Yaar...

Hello you. I am in a state of missingness. Its awful. Its something that needs a good full doses of sweets to get over. Many Many many doses. sigh... he keeps going away like this and I keep feeling like this. Sometimes missingness mingled with anger other times its just an acute missingness. I appreciate the fact that I have someone I love enough to miss but what bugs me is that its constant. The missings.There is hardly any break between one trip and the other thus the missingness never leaves, it just subsides and now I have come to look at it like an evil monster. Cant even appreciate the time spent apart cos there is hardly anytime spent together.

Ah! me being selfish again. Need to get over this. Or atleast accustomed to it. This time round I haven't even bothered trying to fill up my days cos its not going to alter the missingness meter.

I even feel bad for putting up such fuss about missing him when he comes back and showers me gifts. Feel bad cos it occurs to me that he has been thinking of me too. But I still miss him the same the next time. What a vicious cycle it is. Blah!

For the record, Sweets ensured my 21st birthday to be the bestest one yet. He made it amazing and filled with little suprises. It was lovely. Especially the trip to Hikka. Which BTW I am missing too.

Right me off to do more missing.

annoyed!
I am annoyed. I know its ramazan, I need to go to mosq. But whats the point of going just to look after the kids and eat if I am not going to pray. Why should I rush my work for that? I am I being selfish? A weary sigh escapes everytime I think of Ramazan cos to me all it means is more fights than normal with my parents.
Dad just called and wanted to know what time i'll be getting home and coming to mosq, I said I dont know cos I havent completed my work as yet and then he goes on this big harang abt how i need to make time for prayers and work should be shoved aside and all that bullshit.
Yesterday I heard it from mom. and last night it was discussed and deciced that I will be getting my own set of keys so that they dont have to wait for me. Now back to square one. So tired of all this. Why is it that they cant just leave me be. aaaargh.

Hey,
Feeling a bit down. Its my 21st birthday tomorrow and all I can think of all things i havent done that I should have done. Basically sifting through my albumn of regrets. Gosh I feel old. Am actually panicking a bit. Which ironically may seem childish.
Birthdays usually are the happiest times for me. Not this one though. Sweets trip, my exams, the drivig license I still dont have, my non-existent savings, the absolute lack of privacy, the absence of feeling independent eventhough I have been working for the past 5 years. All this is just building up one big damper for my most looked forward to birthday. :'(
Now the time for resolultions, promises I make to myself but they usually are lost without a second thought. The usual ones:

1. keep the flutterbys alive
2. Learn to say 'I love you' better
3. Learn to drive
4. Travel - anywhere, everywhere
5. Save
6. Look after my teeth
7. Eat healthy
8. Go swimming
9. Exercise regularly - think about how you were when u were 17
10. Read!!!
11. Make time for prayers & family functions
12. Dont use work as an excuse for anything
13. Avoid white lies
14. Spend more time at home - only 8 months left
15. Complain less
16. Invest in a camera - take pictures of everything
17. learn to play the flute
18. Have a party - always wanted one
19. Do something outrageous
20. Stop experimenting with my hair
21. Dont be afraid to be a bitch

Thats it I think, no I am sure there's more but for now its enough. Gotta go.

p.s. Sweets - need your support with these :)